hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
