ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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