Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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