She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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