I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
