no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
