Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
