You smell like a Billy Joel song
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
