I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
