My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.