Texts From Last Night

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  (607): View more from New York

  I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me

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  (607): I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me http://tfl.nu/xbef
  Replies (2) Good night (1956) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"

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  (626): What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?" http://tfl.nu/e6g5
  Replies (33) Good night (851) Bad night (3033)
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger

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  (819): its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger http://tfl.nu/0bs6
  Replies (10) Good night (3933) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now

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  (408): You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now http://tfl.nu/y80h
  Replies (15) Good night (4149) Bad night (1190)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.

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  (914): This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive. http://tfl.nu/c66s
  Replies (11) Good night (1191) Bad night (4110)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure

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  (813): If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure http://tfl.nu/itoo
  Replies (6) Good night (3996) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?

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  (803): Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass? http://tfl.nu/vxrr
  Replies (16) Good night (1133) Bad night (2343)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  "The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"

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  (215): "The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match" http://tfl.nu/jczj
  Replies (11) Good night (2087) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.

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  (501): There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at. http://tfl.nu/jo9n
  Replies (5) Good night (2259) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist

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  (615): Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist http://tfl.nu/58no
  Replies (8) Good night (1631) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.

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  (901): Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed. http://tfl.nu/jvs2
  Replies (7) Good night (704) Bad night (1209)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.

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  (330): The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk. http://tfl.nu/09ej
  Replies (2) Good night (906) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it

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  (+44): There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it http://tfl.nu/85wu
  Replies (4) Good night (303) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.

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  (209): I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night. http://tfl.nu/48e5
  Replies (0) Good night (335) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.

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  (716): I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year. http://tfl.nu/v14k
  Replies (2) Good night (256) Bad night (206)

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