Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned