I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again