Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
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I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.