I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?