You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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