Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.