Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
