i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
