No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
