Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
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Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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