So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
