I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
