I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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