Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
