bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
