Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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