9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
