You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
