I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
