The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
