think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
