I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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