what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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