did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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