Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
