Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
