i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
