Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
did i just pee glitter
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
