Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
