pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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