I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
