He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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