drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and she was petting her beer can
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
