So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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