$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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