dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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