it wasn't lemon gatorade
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
