your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
