i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
