I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and she was petting her beer can
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
