Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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