I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
