I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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