i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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