Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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