I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
