my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize