marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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