i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
