I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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