Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
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