Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
