you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
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Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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