I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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