my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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