But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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