Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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