I wannas sexs uuuuu
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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