ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
how drunk are you?
Several
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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